Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
