awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
