If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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