you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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