I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
