If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
