sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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