What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize