Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
