Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
