so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
