you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
