i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
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so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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