How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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