Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
