apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
sarcasm needs its own font
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize