The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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