Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
