You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
