You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
