none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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