Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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