What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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