Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
