I just made out with a guy for $7.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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