either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
