i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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