the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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