when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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