Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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