I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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