You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
