Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
