Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
either way he was missing a nipple.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
