So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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