its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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