If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
