u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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