I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
