You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
