I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
