Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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