Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........

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(847): View more from Illinois

On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

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(512): View more from Texas

If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.

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(585): View more from New York

yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.

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(620): View more from Kansas

yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.

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