haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
