whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
