I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
