all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
