Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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