True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The air was thick with penises
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
