is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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