some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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