I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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