i would punch a child for taco bell
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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