How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
