he shaved USA in his pubs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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