Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
