I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
