16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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