Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
