Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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