I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
