Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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