I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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