TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
