He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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