I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
