Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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