We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
