I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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