Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
