haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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